:: Ten Reasons Why Apple Sucks More Than George Bush ::
:::May 6, 2008:::
George W's presidency and Apple's trendy comeback will likely written in history as one of the most amazing co-occurring mental illnesses in millennial American history. If I took a bet on who will leave a deeper cakehole in the growing emptiness of the American conscience, it would be evil iProduce for the win!1. iArrogance Bush believes he's a genius, but constantly cues us he's not on the other hand Apple believes they are geniuses, and you are an idiot. 2. iNherently Evil Ninety Percent of people hates Bush, and knows why. Ninety percent of people hates Apple, and they don't know why. 3. iDesuetude Bush can only be president for 8 years and despite his failures, his term will end. Apple's term has lasted 32 years and despite it's failures, it shows no signs of termination. There's no God and Apple killed Nietzsche. 4. iDiscrimination Bush makes fat people richer. Apple bashes fat people on national television. 5. iCyborg Bush sounds like a computer when he talks. Steve Jobs makes love to computers while he speaks. 6. iVanity Bush wants to capture parts of the world in the name of fighting against the act of terrorism. Apple wants to name the entire world after it's favorite computer and put an "i" infront of everything... for no reason at all. 7. Boredom iFactor Bush's addresses can put you to sleep in under five minutes. Steve Jobs' addresses make you want to poke out your eyes, slap yourself, tear off your ears, and hit yourself in the kidneys after 60 grueling minutes. 8. iDeficit Bush wants us to spend hundreds of billions of dollars to fix Iraq. Apple wants us to spend hundreds of billions of dollars to replace our rectangle iPods with square ones. 9. iUgliness Bush dresses like a stiff capital pig. Apple representatives dress like members of the Blue Man Group. 10. iWarming Bush's decisions make lands far far away overheat. Apple makes everything in your house overheat. Sad thing is, Bush probably can't even operate a Mac. |
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